Called by love

A few years back I was diagnosed with having acute anxiety, after experiencing a sudden onset of panic attacks that came completely out of the blue.

The anxiety was debilitating and stopped me from doing a lot of simple, everyday things that we take for granted. I lived in a constant state of fear and panic until I reached the end of my rope.

That night marked the beginning of the process to my complete healing and the next few months went like a blur as I spent night after night, alone with Jesus.

God’s presence was so strong during those moments. It was amazingly intense, addictive and all I wanted to do was just be alone with Jesus and be in His presence.

I’d never experienced anything like it and discovered that though I was at my absolute weakest & lowest point, Jesus was enough for me.

This went on for quite a few months and my decision had been made, “What was the point in worshipping in a church, when I had discovered this personal worship, where it was just me & Jesus?”

I’d made up my mind and decided I wasn’t going to go back to leading worship or even be part of the worship team. I’d got something better!

One night and weeks later as I worshipped alone at home, I felt like God was speaking to me and was asking me to come out of hiding. He’d filled me up and now it was time to pour back out.

I got cross at first and felt like I was happy to stay as I was but I also knew in my heart that isolating myself wasn’t what God wanted for me. God was calling me to lead His people into His presence.

Soon after I got invited to lead worship at a conference and although I hesitated at first, I agreed and realised that this was what God wanted. It was during that time that God completely changed my heart and showed me the importance of corporate worship.

There were people of all ages and backgrounds, people who may not have necessarily got on with each other in day to day life, but these people had gathered together, as one, to lift up the name of Jesus. This was powerful and the presence of God was extremely evident.

Psalm 133:1-3 says this:

How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron’s beard, down on the collar of his robe. It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion. For there the Lord bestows his blessing, even life forevermore.

As we worship together, we are in complete unity and God will pour out His blessing upon us.

Whether we are worshipping collectively as a group or are on our own in intimate worship, we are not forced by God to worship Him but are called by love to come into His presence.


Called by love’ was written during that intense period of intimacy I had with Jesus.

Every blessing,




38 thoughts on “Called by love

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  1. I’m glad you got out of your comfort zone and into your place of destiny. It can be a fearful thing to step outside of your comfort zone when you’re comfortable with where you are. But it seems to me that God has great plans for you and will cause your gift to make room for Him to move in a miraculous way not in just the lives of others, but also in your personal life as well. God Bless!

    Sherline 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  2. May God’s continued blessings be poured out upon and within you, Hayley, through the Spirit that you may continue to be a blessing with, to, and for others.

    In this post, you remind me of the sacred rhythm of Jesus’ life, his constant ebb and flow from engagement with people to quiet time alone with his Father, then back out in the world, the crowds, responding to his call to preach, teach, and heal. You also remind me that both forms of worship – the individual and the communal – are essential, and that, yes, sometimes when we are depleted by whatever forces that assail us and we discover Christ’s power made perfect in our weakness, God fills us to use us again in his world and among his people.

    Again, praying you God’s continued blessings.

    All love and peace and joy and power in believing,

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Just beautiful Hayley, His presence is amazing and your worship in song was wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing and may you and yours have a joyous and blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hayley, I have a history of panic attacks. I’ve found that when I do what God calls me to do, he takes care of me. He gives me he strength and courage. I hardly need medication anymore. Thank you so much for sharing. This is an issue that needs more attention. If you haven’t been there, you couldn’t possibly understand how traumatizing it can be. God uses people who aren’t perfect to help others. Stay blessed my talented friend. Happy New Year.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with me. I really appreciate your encouragement and I know you are right. We have to go through things in order to help others and lead them to Christ.
      Much love to you and a Happy New Year. 🎉
      Hayley ❤️

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Love your post and song! Thanks for sharing!
    What peace and joy we find truly worshipping at the feet of Jesus! Being still before Him, His Presence chases away all sorts of anxiety, fears, insecurities, fretting, anger, and so on, as we fall in complete surrender before Him.

    Liked by 1 person

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